a brave new world.

It's a weird feeling to have.
It's been a long while since i last had a break like this.
Then again,
as i look through my schedule,
there's so much to be done.

Will be heading to malaysia tomorrow with my folks.
we're gonna be driving up.
glad to have time spent with them.

rest comes in many forms.
but true rest can only be received, not bought.
it is given.

physical rest is important,
but as i look through the year,
and i think about what's ahead,
i think spiritual, emotional and mental rest are also very important.

my prayer is that you will be able to find true rest.
a constant in your life,
an anchor that holds and strengthens you,
to be the best that you can be,
and to keep you going.

can't wait to tie my hammock and to just strum my guitar away by the sea.
i can't wait.

Today i am very thankful.
very very thankful.

The meal was nothing.
it was nothing compared to what you gave and did.

Today i am thankful for,

-God's favour and peace as we talked to Jiahui.
-Blythe, who did a truly amazing job. truly amazing.
-Blythe for buying the book on my behalf. great choice of a book!
-Jiahui who understood what was being said to him.
-his mother whom i felt had really learnt something.
-the opportunity to just be there, and to care.
-the encouragements and affirmations i received.
-a wonderful listener.
-great coffee.
-a simple yet really delicious dinner.
-laughter.
and last but definately not the least, a really nice walk home.

tonight,
let us rest with a smile on our faces,
and with peace and joy in our hearts.

for God is with us.
He is with us indeed.
Praise the Lord, for He is good.

it's quite a sucky feeling to know that the trust someone once had in you,
is now either gone or broken.

yet i cannot blame him.
i would probably feel the same if i were in his shoes.
i would probably find it hard to trust me anymore.

how do you help someone,
when he does not want to help himself?
where do you draw the line between keeping a secret,
and sharing it with appropriate people,
so that that someone can get the help he truly needs?

i struggle because it was never my intentions to break that trust.
i struggle because i ask myself what i can learn out of this.
i struggle because i know there is hurt present.
i struggle because i wonder if there is anything else i can do now for him that matters anymore.

today even as i talked to a mother,
she reminded me of mine.
reminded me of things i once said.
reminded me of what the reply was.
reminded me of many things.

of course i cannot change what has happened.
though i wish i could.
but i am thankful,
because i am reminded that in God,
all things happen for a purpose.
that He allows us to go through tough times,
and does not change circumstances around us,
because at the end of the day,
it is us He is molding.
it is us He is changing.

to see a parent cry for her child,
to blame herself for her inadequacies and inabilities,
breaks my heart.

how painful it is for a person,
to give the best to someone,
only to be turned down and turned away.
yet to continue giving,
simply because of love.

such is a parent's love.
such is a mother's love.
such is God's love.

that no matter how far we run,
how much we turn Him down,
He gives and loves,
and continues to give, and to love,
because we are His children;
bought at a price,
a ransom given with His own Son,
our Lord Jesus Christ.

Today, i am thankful for,

-Blythe who made up for my horrible chinese by simply being there and supporting me.
-the reminder that my parents love me, and always want to give me their best.
-friends who forgive me, who accept me despite my flaws.
-the great luncner(lunch+dinner) that we had together as a Team.
-coffee talk.
-a willing, listening ear, whom i found in Tang En.
-the reminder through this song, as i prepare my heart for tomorrow.


"And because He lives,
I can face tomorrow,
because He lives,
all fear is gone.
because I know,
I know He holds the future,
and life is worth the living,
just because He lives!"


God bless and keep us all.
Amen.

You know how you lie on your bed each night,
and you think back on the day's activities,
and you have a portion of your thoughts centered around things you wish you hadn't done?
a list of things you would not have done if you had another chance,
things you regret?

And you tell yourself you do not want to make the same mistakes again.
but as your eyes close,
you realise how difficult and how much of a struggle it is going to be to change anything.
however, you realise that you must, nonetheless.

and then you start to think back on the many times you have started well,
only to have your energy and enthusiasm fizzle off.
and you wonder if starting this again will have it end in a similar way.

basically,
there are regrets in my life,
and i'm experiencing their effects,
and i want to, i need to change.

and i know i cannot do it alone.

because i have done it before,
and nothing's changed.

it's been really exhausting for me lately.
the weekends took a lot from me,
and honestly,
so did today.

but,
it ended well,
and i am truly thankful.

i told myself today,
even if 1 kid comes,
we will go and have one hell of a time.

it was tough not to be upset at the poor turn out,
despite the many invitations and calls.
but to learn to look out for opportunities in the midst of disappointments,
especially opportunities to learn and to teach,
is something i am learning to do each day.

children are really refreshing for the soul sometimes.
just to sit and to look at them,
to wonder what goes on in their minds,
and to observe their curiosity and excitement,
puts your heart and mind into a total cartwheel.

Thank you Shafwa, Fadhli, Qiara and Hady for coming down.
I am really glad you guys had a great time today.
Because you did,
i did too.
Thank you.

You see,
there's nothing to make a tiring day more worth it,
than to see that someone you love,

smile.

Congratulations to Sue-Anne and Jie Min on your wedding today!
Though it was weird having the both of you call me uncle,
I am truly elated for the both of you on your new journey together.

Weddings are such bittersweet affairs.
I see people crying, laughing and simply smiling with elation throughout the day.
I told myself today,
that i seldom cry at people's weddings,
but i think at my wedding,
i'm just gonna cry.
Cos its my wedding,
and i'll cry if i want to!

It's true.
The most beautiful and important words in life,
are always the hardest the say.
However,
when they are said with purity and honesty,
they bring about total reconciliation.

I think there's no greater moment in life,
than one of reconciliation.
when 2 opposite ends finally meet.
when 2 opposite views finally see eye to eye.


I'm sorry.
I forgive you.
I love you.

Reconcile today.

Exhausted.
Early and long day tomorrow.
Time to turn in.

You know something?

some people may not be really good at certain things that the world expects of them.
some of them may not be good academically.
some of them may have a pretty bad temper, and have trouble controlling it.
some of them may not be able to speak decently.
some of them may not even be able to count, let alone talk to strangers comfortably.

and others get upset with them,

but i have to say,
these people,
whom the world looks down and probably will not give a second glance at them,
are the ones who came to help.
they are the ones who gave their time,
energy and even money,
to come to help.

they didn't have to.
they didnt need to.
but they did.

and not only did some of them give,
they gave extravagantly.
they gave from their hearts.
they gave it all they got.

and so what if they only managed to do a little?
in my eyes,
they have given a whole lot more.

just like the old lady in the Bible with the 2 copper coins and gave one.
she gave out of her poverty,
hence she gave more than those who gave out of their riches.

in the same way,
these people didnt have the skills,
didnt really have the gift of the gab, nor the right language,
but they gave anyway.
and to me, they gave so much more.

and for that today,
i am truly thankful.

here's a bow from me to those of you i know,
who give out of your emptiness,
who do your best out of your own imperfectness,
who love out of your own hurts.

from the bottom of my heart,
thank you.

Self control helps you make a certain decision.

Discipline, is what carries it through.


I'm truly happy for the 2 ladies,
who are going to start studying again soon.
I know they will do well at it,
and with the knowledge they will receive,
they will definitely grow and be more effective for their students.

Always look forward to learning.
Take what you are given,
and apply it into your lives.
For what is knowledge, if it is not used?

As i sat there today,
i couldn't help but to ponder upon my own path ahead.
Everyone is studying.
What about me?

It's true.
In what we do,
it is one thing to have the knowledge,
yet another to have the passion and the heart.

yet i cannot deny the fact that there are times i find myself shooting blanks,
as much as i want to hit the target and as much as i've got my aim right.
with nothing but blanks,
i will never reach them.

This year will be one in which i will make big decisions.
I can only ask that in all my decisions,
i make them with love and dedication to the word of God.
That in my decisions,
i honor God, my parents and love the people around me.

Fill my cup Lord,
till it overflows,
that the world may taste your goodness,
and find hope in you.

Do not be hearers, but doers of the Word as well.

today i am thankful for,

-don who's back after 2 weeks away. someone's really happy.
-being able to meet larry, shijie, amirul, ali, theodore, sophia, rahmat and so many other kids from tkps.
-the chance to be able to talk to them and to share with them in their excitements and worries for transition to secondary school.
-don who passed me the amplifier.
-the fact that i know for sure that my butt is sexier than the ladies'.
-the help i got from singnet customer service when my internet was down.
-my internet being back up again!
-dinner prepared by my parents. home-cooked-food is truly delicious.

well,
today i made up my mind,
that i cannot force my way into things.
i will end up stepping on people's toes,
possibly hurting others in the process.

it took a lot,
but i decided that its okay if we cant have a team retreat.
i've done what i can,
we've done what we could,
and if we really cannot find common dates to make this happen,
then i guess it shall have to wait.

its not hard to swallow your pride, when you know it can choke you.

It's good to be back.
It's really good to be home,
to see familiar faces,
familiar streets, sights and sounds.

I was praying throughout the trip.
Thank God firstly,
for His protection.
It was pretty bad weather on our dives,
huge waves and strong currents,
but by His mercy,
everyone was fine,
except for one time when i puked. haha.

I'm thankful for the new friends i've made.
I was really very quiet for most of the trip,
but their hospitality and openness,
really warmed my heart and brought smiles to my face countless number of times.

It's been a tiring 2 days and one night,
due to the dives and the travelling.
but i am really recharged.
i'm pretty sure after a good sleep tonight,
i'll be jumping out of my bed tomorrow,
ready to go!

Especially grateful to Aloysius,
my dive instructor for this trip.
Knowing that he trains divemasters, and came back all the way from shanghai for this trip,
really added pressure to me having to perform well for this advanced course.
but his sincerity and patience has really calmed me down a lot,
and gotten me to process my mistakes and to learn from them.
truly a blessing.

Thank God for safety throughout the travelling.
Long journey,
but safe nonetheless.

Thank God for dad who picked me up when i got back to Singapore.
I told him that i will be taking leave to go fishing with him soon.
I pretty excited.

quite a lot of things happening in church.
praying for them.
i am not sure why they are happening,
but i know we have to pray.
sometimes we cannot make sense of everything,
but we are called to do what is right.
let the making-sense come later.

Back to work tomorrow.
Can't wait.
I hope everyone's doing well and recovering.
Lots to be done!
Lets get started!

and yes,
maggi is the new comfort food.

they have no idea,

how little it takes,
to give much more,
and how much it gives,
to take a little less.

you do.

and for that,
you are special.

Mom is worried.
And you know,
even as i am telling her that there's no need to be,
i cannot say the same for myself.

how would you live your life,
if tomorrow may be the very last day you have?

at this point of time,
many people will have many dreams, aspirations and hopes.
but i say its too late.
it's too late to think of such a thing,
when tomorrow's the last day you will ever have.

start today.
live life in the way,
where you may receive the rewards,
not on earth,
but in heaven.
rewards that are eternal and everlasting,
the best and only the best.

and when you go,
even if you dont have tomorrow,
but only now,
you will go with complete peace in your heart and mind.

Today, i am thankful for,
-being able to watch the movie "Luther" again after a while.
-the cooling weather at the frog farm.
-the children whose excitement and innocence really stole the show for the day.
-the wonderful staff from Soc Gen for joining us and the kids.
-Tang En and Bly for arranging the trip, and for inviting us to join them.
-PJ and the other youth leaders, for the sharing and prayers they gave.
-God who really, made the cell facilitation an enormous learning experience for me.
-the Kao sisters who made sandwiches for everyone.
-mom who kept dinner for me despite the late hour, and for her nagging for my dive trip. I love you mom.


There are many many things i would like to say,
i would like to ask.
But to keep silent,
and to trust,
and to obey,
that is my struggle,
one i am learning from each day of my life.

Praise the Lord,
for He is great,
the great God above all things.

Today i am thankful for,

-the morning sun that greeted my face as i began my walk to work.
-God's word that truly encouraged me, and put things into perspective for me.
-a great lunch.
-the yep proposals we managed to prepare. I felt that they were pretty good stuff!
-the great dinner suren cooked for us.
-the amazing time of sharing and praying we managed to have together.


Consecrate,
then Concentrate.

2 words,
a lifetime to live out.
Starts today.

Today, i am thankful for,

-God who held the rain for me as i walked to work. It was drizzling as i left home, but that's all there ever was till i reached the office; a drizzle.
-the soupy lunch i had. It really felt great to eat healthy.
-the talk i had with Trevor. I'm glad it made him happy.
-Mom who packed dinner for me, and Dad who brought it to church.
-The council meeting that had such a positive vibe throughout. Thank God for that.
-Sam and Alexis, as they celebrate their birthdays this month. Thank God for the both of you. Truly tremendous blessings in so many ways.


I'm learning,
to be whole-hearted in what i do.
To consecrate myself,
and then concentrate on what i need to do.

Sure,
there are things on my heart,
and i struggle with them.
But as i set myself apart,
and focus,
whole-heartedly,
single-mindedly,
i know i will eventually get there.

one step at a time.

Today i am thankful for,

-the understanding from chin hong, kx and lx as i was late.
-the shade we found in the great (hot) weather today.
-the 2 catches we got. Honestly, i think they were the only catches on the entire stretch of people fishing.
-my legs that kept me standing the whole day, train to changi, fishing, and train back to jurong.
-my dad who picked us up from lakeside mrt.
-the surpirse for aunty amy that went really well. Great job guys!
-my little chat with Pastor Anthony, one filled with sincerity and understanding.
-the chair i am sitting on, and the bed which i will be resting on really soon.
-June who called to share with me her problems. I'm glad you called girl. Take care and see you for coffee really soon yea?


I am going to plan my leave,
such that i will get to spend more time with my mom and dad.
i now realise how i should best spend them.

dad's sleeping in his room.
yet right after what mom told me,
it feels as if i haven't seen him for the longest time.
it feels as if i miss him so badly already.
and i know i need to change something.

I know that tomorrow,
when i look at dad,
i'm gonna look at him so much more differently.

things are going to be different from now onwards.
it's no more going to be about me anymore.
i cannot do that.
people closest to me are suffering when i do that.
especially those i love so much.

it's going to be about them.
i'm gonna do everything i can to please them,
to make them happy.

i do not want regrets.
i cannot live with them.

after all dad has done for me,
this is nothing compared.

Today i am thankful for,

-the sandwiches i made for my breakfast. I'm thankful they kept me filled till lunch.
-the day-long rain that brought back a lot of memories.
-being able to finish calling all the students to help out with the fund-raising, though not many has confirmed their attendance.
-good lesson with PJ, on obedience and discipleship.

There are nights when words escape you.
And all you can use to express yourself,
is your guitar, and the lyrics of a song.
for that, i am thankful.



Praying for good weather tomorrow,
so that our dear students will have a great time in the sun,
and will really enjoy themselves.

Till another time,

drink, to all that we have lost,
mistakes we have made.
Everything will change,
but love remains the same.

today i am thankful for,

-Bly taking a cab back to home and to office again just to get us our sandwiches. Really, thank you.
-Lixian who did up a really good picture for our team tshirt!
-the cheap and good ham i managed to buy at shop and save.
-dinner provided for by uncle wong mui and family.
-the great time of sharing and learning of God's word as a cell.

It's really tough to be at the crossroads of life.
Not being able to see ahead of the paths set before you.

I ask myself if i am happy where i am,
and whether i see myself doing what i'm doing for another 4-5 years or so,
and my answer is a yes.

but then i struggle.
if i should be happy,
or move and make others happy instead.

of course,
i pray i am already doing that where i am.
doing what little i can to make the people around me happy,
to help be a positive influence in the young lives i come in contact with.

should i go,
or should i stay?

people tell me to follow my heart.
do they even know what's on my heart when they say that?
sometimes,
having too big a heart can be confusing.
puts you in a really indecisive spot.

Dad aint getting younger.
I have really gotta start praying about this,
talking to people,
and really thinking about it.

It's not really a matter of what i want to do.
It's more of whether the right time is now.

Please,
pray for me,
as i seek God for His will in my life.

Pray for strength to leave if i need to,
and for love to give if i stay.
either way,
pray for me,
pray with me.

I'm just really glad i have you with me.

Haven't had rest over the weekends.
And before i know it,
the week has started.

I was looking through my schedules for the next few months,
and i think it's going to be quite a ride.
but i'm just gonna take things one at a time,
finish what i have to,
do them well,
and move on to the next.

of course there are things on my mind,
but to let them affect me,
affect the people around me,
affect the things i do,
would be irresponsible.

Learning to cope with these feelings and thoughts,
are quite tough.
of course if i could,
i would do without them totally,
but i choose to see them as struggles that i must go through,
to really sort out my thoughts and emotions,
and to grow out of them.

I hope there is a difference between choosing to set them aside,
and ignoring them.
I cannot ignore them,
neither can i give too much attention to them.
that is the struggle.

there were many things that i could have said,
many things that i could have done and felt,
but i thank God that He heard my prayers,
and helped me give careful thoughts to my words and actions.

I want to spend more time with my family.
I want my family to be more than just a house,
but a home.

I need to be better,
in so many ways.
In my weaknesses, to build them up,
to face my fears,
to take on challenges.
In my strengths,
to hone and groom them,
to make them better.

the other things on my heart,
i guess they will have to wait.
but i will continue to give and to love,
because I am compelled to.
I will continue to encourage and to pray,
because that is all i can do,
for now.


Guide my steps Lord.
May your word be a lamp to my feet,
a light to my path.
That my steps may not stumble,
that my journey may be one that honours your name.

It's tough,
but i will keep going for you.

Today i am thankful for,

-the really great performances put up by the kindergarten kids on their graduation. It was fabulous.
-the teachers who have really put in such hard work for their students.
-to shake the hands of Mr Thaman Sharmugaratnam.
-the short talk i had with Richie, a parent of a student from the kindergarten. It was nice listening to the story of how he met his wife.
-the short and simple fellowship we had at the reformation day service, though it was kinda messy.
-the car ride back to church from yishun, graciously provided by uncle martin.
-the youth camp meeting where quite a lot was decided.
-the cab ride back after a really long day.
-the day-long rain that made today such a cooling and refreshing one.


As i sat at the second row of the graduation ceremony today,
and as i witnessed the kids coming forth to receive their scrolls,
looking all pretty and handsome in their gowns,
shaking the hands of the Mr Thaman,
pausing to take their pictures and then smiling their way off their stage,
i unknowingly glanced to the side of the hall,
where their teachers were standing and watching.

and i saw 2 of them crying.

at that moment,
i gazed back and forth,
from each kid coming on stage,
back to their teachers standing at the side, watching.

and my heart ached.
and i felt a tear well up in my eye.

i guess it's really such a joy,
to watch these little lives,
muster their courage,
stride along confidently on the stage,
grip their graduation scrolls firmly,
and walk away proudly.

perhaps,
it makes all the sleepless nights,
the early mornings,
the body aches,
the heart aches,
the endless teaching,
the lesson plans,
the scolding and discipline,
the songs and music,
the dances and skits,
the many hours invested into these little lives,
so very worthwhile.

as i looked at the children dance and sing,
act skit after skit,
my heart was filled with amazement and awe at their talents,
yet,
my heart sank as i came to a realisation to the lies and hurts they will have to face in this world.
i thought about the negative influences,
the crooked media,
the vulgar pictures and thoughts flying around,
i asked myself why it has to be so.

Parents,
if you do not teach your child in the way that they should go,
then who will?
will you wait till the day they crumble and fall,
make too big a mistake,
cross too fine a line,
will you then teach them and share with them the values that they should be holding on to?

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead,
bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

                                                                      - Ephesians 6:4


As i looked at the teachers,
i saw in them a look in their eyes,
the look of hope,
the look of care,
the look of pride,
the look of joy and jubilation,
and a smile of love to complete the package.

I'm thankful for the opportunities i have to touch lives.
i must make full use of them.
for if i do not fight for these young people,
if i let them go,
and allow them to be vulnerable to the lies and hurt of this fallen world,
then how can i face God and say that i have loved Him, and loved the people He loves?

There is only one me,
not exactly perfect,
but i pray that in my imperfections,
God's strength may be shown complete.

Sometimes it feels as if,
all that i have is this heart,
to love, to care, to rebuke, to correct, to share, to encourage, to support and to provide.

Give me time.
i will give more.
I promise.